Wednesday, January 27, 2010

What Is Married Chastity Play

Married Chastity Play

I am starting this blog to talk about something that I never knew existed before and yet it has had such a tremendously positive impact on my life that I’m sure more people, particularly married people need to hear about it. I am so excited about it that I want to shout it from the rooftops, but given the subject, I think this blog is about as close as I can get to that.

The “thing” I am talking about is “Chastity Play,” particularly in the context of marriage or any other committed relationship. What is Chastity Play? It is a complete change in the bedroom dynamics of a couple in which basically the female takes control of her mate's orgasms and other sexual pleasures and the male willingly, even enthusiastically, yields that control to her. It’s done in an atmosphere of sensual play, not blackmail, extortion or mistrust. This is definitely not a game for partners who don’t trust and love each. This is a game for partners who have that trust and love but are looking for a boost to their sex lives, and amazingly, an even bigger boost in the love, harmony and commitment in the relationship. We started it three years ago, with some trepidation and doubt on my part, but after those three years I can attest that it is, by far, the best thing we have ever done for us, and for our relationship. Everything just zoomed upward and unbelievably, it keeps getting better.

First a few details - Bob and I are in our late forties and have been married for 21years. We have three very active teenagers. We live in a medium sized city in the mid-west. Bob is a an executive with a large manufacturing company. He has several hundred people in his department and his product line accounts for sales in excess of five hundred million dollars. He works hard, has a lot of responsibility and has to travel some although not as much as in his early career (the miracle of video conferencing has taken care of much of that).

I am the quintessential, stay at home soccer mom. Most of my day to day life revolves around my children and their activities. Between sports teams, music and dance lessons, skating and after school activities, me and my mini-van (yes, I still have one of those) put on 25,000 plus miles ferrying them to and fro. It is a busy life for both us, but something was missing in it. Bob and I had slowly lost contact with each other. Our conversations were rarely about us and our relationship. They were mainly about the kids and their activities or his latest business problems.

Our sex life had also suffered over the years. What had once been two or three torrid love-making sessions a week early in our marriage had waned to once a week, then maybe twice a month, to who knows, maybe once a month or even less. And it wasn’t torrid love-making anymore. It was ten minutes or so in our bedroom with the lights out on a Friday or Saturday night after the kids had gone to sleep and before one or both of us passed out from exhaustion. I won’t go into the details, but suffice to say, the only orgasm happening was Bob’s. I got nothing out of it, not even some love and attention afterwards. Bob usually just fell right asleep.

The reduced frequency was mainly my doing. It was little wonder that I took less and less of an interest in sex and made up excuses to avoid it. I was not getting my needs met and in some ways, it was a dreaded reminder of just how bad our relationship had gotten. At first Bob pushed for sex more often; pestered me two or three times a week. He would often get angry and resentful when I turned him down. Sometimes I would give in just to avoid those angry exchanges but then I would resent it and feel even further away from the loving relationship that I wanted. Eventually, after a lot of turn downs and negative body language, those propositions became less frequent.

Whatever sexual satisfaction I got was left in my own hands, so to speak. I would have had trouble saying the word “masturbation,” back then, but still I did it and felt guilty and emotionally unsatisfied afterwards. As a mid-western girl with a Catholic school upbringing, I had always been very conservative when it came to sex. After all, I was a married woman with a handsome, physically fit, sexually interested husband. Why was I masturbating? Why was our relationship so bad and seemingly getting worse? Was I in danger of him having an affair, even losing him to a younger, more sexually satisfying woman? Those thoughts often went through my mind but rather than motivating me to change something, try something new, it seemed to just fuel my resentment even more.

Bob had always had a stronger sex drive than me. I suppose that’s true in most marriages. The man usually is the one pushing for more sex. He was also more sexually adventurous than me but that’s not saying much. When we got married, I was still having trouble getting used to and enjoying oral sex - it just didn’t seem to be what good Catholic girls did. (Now I love oral sex - it’s one of my favorite things; especially receiving it:)). He also introduced me to “sex toys,” mainly vibrators of various sizes and shapes. I warmed up to that innovation much more quickly. Wow, where had those been when I was a randy teenager!?

Bob told me later that his propositions had dropped off because he just couldn’t take the constant rejection (see - men really do have feelings), and because, like most of his life, he masturbated often to relieve himself of his sexual tension, which reduced his biological need for sex with me. He said that although he enjoyed the momentary pleasure of release, he didn’t like the idea that he had to masturbate to get sexual satisfaction and resented my lack of interest in him as a sexual partner. He didn’t confess to any affairs, but reading between the lines, I don’t think that would have been far behind. He is, after all, an attractive, very engaging man.

So what changed all of this? It was Bob and his sexually adventurous self. He had read about male chastity and male chastity play on the internet and found, somewhat to his surprise, that he was sexually excited by it; very excited in fact. As he explained it later, it hit some sort of sweet spot in his sexual psyche. Somehow, he knew right away that he would love it. The problem he had was figuring out how to get his sexually conservative wife that is, me, to go along with it. In male chastity play, the female is an essential partner. She is literally the key holder to the relationship and his pleasure.

I won’t go into all of the details about how he presented the idea to me (perhaps Bob will write about it in his post which follows this one), but he did and like all new sexual innovations he proposed to me, I was skeptical at first - very skeptical. It all sounded so weird. Why would a powerful, successful man, an “alpha type" male like Bob want to experiment with surrendering control of his orgasms, effectively control of his penis to me? It all sounded so, well so kinky and abnormal.

But Bob was very thorough and he showed me some sample male chastity play arrangements, i.e. the rules some couples had used, and the more I read, the more I liked it and the less threatened I felt. To be sure, it seemed pretty kinky, but it seemed harmless enough, at least to me. In fact, in some ways it was kind of a dream come true when it came to controlling the “what” and the “when” of a sexual relationship. No more unwanted advances, pressure to have sex; no more awkward turn downs or even worse, trouble-avoiding but reluctant and resented acceptances.

In some of the play rules we looked at, the female was completely in control of the “when,” the “what,” and the “how.” In other play rules, it was turned over to chance - by dice throw or by blindly selecting a colored bead from a bag. But even when chance was used to direct the play, there was still a considerable amount of ultimate female control over what happened.

The one big thing I had to get my mind around was that male chastity play involved the male wearing a “chastity device” almost all of the time. Well, just the term, “chastity device,” threw me for a loop - conjuring up images of mediaeval, steel belts that were locked onto the hips of maidens to keep them virtuous before marriage and faithful afterwards. It seemed, well bizarre, in the 21st century to be talking about chastity devices - and for a male no less.

But I tried to keep an open mind, looked at some web sites that Bob suggested (two that were particularly good were and and read up about them. The chastity device that seemed the most popular among the couples who engaged in chastity play was a plastic, penis shaped tube and a plastic ring; the tube was placed over the man’s penis, the ring around his entire genitals, with the two pieces joined and locked together. It looked damned uncomfortable when I first saw a picture of it. How could a man wear something like that night and day? How did he, well, you know, pee;? How did he keep himself clean? What happened if he got excited and erected? How did he avoid the thing being noticed in public?

Well, the answers to all of those questions were, to my surprise, pretty simple. The comfort part was taken care of by careful fitting of a variety of offered sizes of rings and the pins and spacers that keep the tube and ring at a fixed separation; that and the use of lubricants and moisturizers. It took some getting used to, but most men who tried it and were committed to the play, were able to accommodate quickly and easily to long term wear. As for peeing, the tubes had a large slit at the end to accommodate the urine flow and, well, they peed sitting down like the other half of the human race - not such a difficult thing and it sure solved the problem of the man always leaving the toilet seat up. If nothing else, a woman can really appreciate that! :)

As for the other questions - well they took showers to keep themselves clean like everybody else. Some play rules allowed removal prior to showering, cleaning the device and putting it right back on after the shower. Others, those with husbands likely to manhandle themselves in the shower, kept the device on during the shower and used squeeze bottles with tips to introduce soapy water and rinse into the device through its various vents and openings. Some had spare tubes, or different sized tubes - one for day wear and a somewhat larger ones (to account for involuntary “full bladder” erections) for use during the night.

As for erections, well LOL, the devices prevented them for the most part. Some allowed partial erections; some, the smaller ones, prevented any erections. The men experienced varying degrees of discomfort when their penis would start to erect - but few experienced actual pain. Those that did experience some pain or more than moderate discomfort learned how to avoid or suppress erections - mind over matter, so to speak. Almost all of the play rules contained some kind of circumstance for occasionally requiring the male to wear the device during love-making sessions. Of course, those sessions were directed solely towards the pleasure (and entertainment) of the female. This sounded deliciously wicked.

Finally, how did they wear them in public? Well, with the right clothes, the bulge of the device didn’t really show. Among the smaller tubes or devices, the bulge wasn’t visible with any normal clothing - it really wasn’t detectable unless it was felt, and nobody should be feeling him down there but his mate. For those that traveled a lot, metal detectors weren’t a problem for the most common plastic devices. Even those that used a metal padlock also came with one-time use, numbered plastic “locks” that could be used when going through a detector and couldn’t be removed by the male without the female knowing about it. Once opened, it could not be re-locked again, and with the serial number recorded by the female - well, she would know if it had been opened. Somehow, I think a woman thought of this angle.

Speaking of locks, most of the devices came with a small padlock to secure it - usually with one key. The female would be designated the “key holder” and she would carry the one and only key that could free the male’s private parts. Often, she would wear it on a thin chain around her neck to constantly remind her of her sexual power (I do that and find it is a real turn-on for me; I get a little rush and tingle whenever I reach up fondle the key). If you think about it, it is an amazing exercise of love, faith and trust for a man to give that sort of power to his wife. And just as amazing for the wife to accept that sort of complete responsibility for her husband’s sexual being.

So, what sort of Chastity Play Rules do we use? Well, they’ve changed over time, they've been adapted and refined to fit us, our lifestyle, who we are, and also who we became because this play changed our sexual tastes and practices (all to the good, I might add). I can state with certainty, that in the three years of this experiment, I have not masturbated alone even once, nor have I ever felt the urge or need to do so (of course, I have masturbated in front of my husband a number of times, something I’d never done before, and it gave us both immense pleasure; it is now, one of our favorite things when he’s being denied).

I should add, before listing the rules and explaining them, that unlike some couples who engage in chastity play and assume permanent roles of leader and follower in all aspects of their life; our chastity play roles never extended outside the bedroom - that is, I am not “in control” of any other part of our life. We are life partners and have equal control in decision-making in every other aspect of our lives. And we have had no difficulty separating our sexual life from the rest of our life and making it special.

That is not to say that Chastity Play hasn’t affected other parts of our lives. It has and it has most certainly made us happier. We rarely argue about anything now - we are usually in the blissful aura of our last “Play Day” or are anticipating our next one. Bob is incredibly more attentive to me, often leaving me love notes and bringing me flowers and small gifts. He is more patient with both me and the kids and just seems happier and more relaxed at home. He now enjoys just sitting and talking with me - listening to me. We are almost always touching each other whenever we are in the same room - holding hands and cuddling in front of the TV, an embrace and kiss in the kitchen; a kiss on the nape of my neck in the bedroom as I’m getting dressed. It feels wonderful to get that sort of physical attention without it being attached to sex. He is also much more helpful around the house - volunteering to help with the laundry (!!!) Or setting the table for dinner; things he never did before.
I am also much more attuned to Bob’s needs. Of course the children and their activities are still important, but I have put my relationship with Bob at the center of my universe. He is rarely out of my thoughts, and I find myself smiling a lot - sometimes at nothing but a stray thought or memory of a past Play Day and the new found bonds of our relationship. I regret only that we didn’t find this sooner. There was so much time wasted in anger; so much pleasure and satisfaction lost. But there is still plenty of time for us - and for you, if, like us, Chastity Play happens to find a sweet spot in a man’s sexual psyche; and that of his wife as well.

Our Rules of Married Chastity Play

The guiding principle of these rules is to maximize the sexual pleasure of husband and wife by:

1. Placing the wife in control of her husbands sexual releases. He is allowed sexual release only with her permission. Husband will remain chaste until then and will use a locked chastity device whenever practicable to ensure that.

2. Husband satisfying the sexual needs of his wife first, how and when she wishes and for as long as she wishes. Literally, “She Comes First,” (and second, third and fourth if she so desires).

3. Chance, in the form of a dice throw will be used to provide uncertainty and heightened tension and anticipation on the part of the husband.

4. Wife has the final word in the interpretation and application of all rules.


There are two types of days: “Roll Days,” and “Play Days.”
Roll days are those days when husband rolls the dice to see whether and how he may obtain sexual release on the next Play Day. Roll Days occur on the fifth day after the last “Play Day,” unless cancelled by the wife for husband’s violation of a rule. As an example, if the last Play Day was Monday, the next Roll Day would be Saturday.

A Play Day is the day of the actual love-making session between husband and wife per the result of the dice roll or the preemptive call of a dice result by the wife. The Play Day occurs either on the Roll Day, or if either husband or wife is too tired, ill, occupied, or it's otherwise impractical to do it on that day, then as soon thereafter when husband and wife are fit and able to devote their full attentions to each other.

Wife’s Right of Preemptive Dice Throw Result

Although the usual way in which husband will find out whether and how his next sexual release will occur is by the chance outcome of a dice roll, the wife has the right to declare a dice roll outcome by announcing it before husband rolls the dice. She simply says, "Your dice roll is 5" or whatever number she wants. She may assert this right on any Roll Day and as often as she desires, except that if she asserts this right three Roll Days in a row, Husband then has the right to actually roll the dice to determine the outcome on the fourth Roll Day.

The Dice Throw

The dice throw will occur in the bedroom with wife present and observing the result. Husband will be nude (whenever practical) and wearing his chastity device. Wife will be dressed however she pleases. Whenever practical, the dice throw shall involve a short ceremony in which candles will be lit and husband shall declare his continuing love of and trust in his wife, and confirm his continuing chastity (no orgasms) since his last Play Day release. Wife will declare her continuing love of and trust in her husband and her continuing responsibility for controlling her husband's orgasms. After these mutual declarations, wife may declare a preemptive dice roll result if she chooses to do so. If not, husband will roll the dice on a hard, flat surface. Wife will be the final judge of whether the roll was legal and what the rolled number was. The dice roll results and associated play are:

Rolling a 2 or a 12:
Snake eyes or box cars, it’s bad luck for hubby. Either number results in a Play Day in which the husband continues to be locked in his chastity device throughout the Play Day with obviously no orgasm permitted. The wife may choose whether the tube husband uses is the CB-6000 regular tube, or the more entertaining (for wife) 6000 “shorty,” which provides much greater erection control and is a bit more uncomfortable for husband when aroused than the regular tube. If after husband rolls one of these numbers, he makes any negative comment, even an “aw shucks,” wife will automatically assign the “shorty” as the tube of choice.
Although husband will remain locked and will not be allowed to release during this Play Day, wife has the option of continuing the Play Day with husband completely servicing her with tongue, lips, fingers and toys, as she chooses. Husband is responsible for ensuring that wife enjoys at least one orgasm. Wife may tease, prod, rub, excite, nibble, finger or use a toy on any part of husband’s body. Husband must assume any position directed by wife.
Wife may begin the session with a foot massage and/or a full body massage and/or a bubble bath, and may require husband to assist her putting on her Play Day stockings and lingerie. Wife may terminate the Play Day without sexual contact at her choosing. During massage, bath and dressing assistance, unless wife makes her intentions clear, husband must ask for and receive permission before touching wife’s genital area.

Rolling a 3, 4, 10 or 11:
Getting closer but still no joy for hubby; he is denied! Husband may enjoy the Play Day unlocked and free of his chastity device, however orgasm is completely forbidden. Wife will test husband’s ability to control himself by teasing, prodding, rubbing, licking, sucking, fingering or stroking any part of husband’s body, or even engaging in intercourse with husband, and will attempt to see just how close she can get him to cumming without his exploding, and how many times she can do this. Any failure to control his orgasm will be the responsibility of husband and will result in a penalty as described in the penalty section below. Husband must assume any position directed by wife.
Although husband will not be allowed to release during this Play Day, wife has the option of continuing the Play Day with husband completely servicing her with tongue, lips, fingers, penis and toys, as she chooses. Husband is responsible for ensuring that wife enjoys at least one orgasm.
Wife may begin the session with a foot massage and/or a full body massage and/or a bubble bath, and may require husband to assist her putting on her Play Day stockings and lingerie. Wife may terminate the Play Day without sexual contact at her choosing. During massage, bath and dressing assistance, unless wife makes her intentions clear, husband must ask for and receive permission before touching wife’s genital area.

Rolling a 5 or a 9:
Husband is unlocked and free of his chastity device for the Play Day. To add a little extra spice of uncertainty, husband will not know whether he will be allowed to orgasm until the very end of the Play Day. At which time, wife will declare either that husband has permission to cum, or he does not have permission to cum, in which case husband must resist any continuing attempts by wife to make him release. Husband is responsible for any failure to control his orgasm if he cums without permission and will receive a penalty as described in the penalty section.
Although husband may not be allowed to release during this Play Day, wife has the option of continuing the Play Day with husband completely servicing her with tongue, lips, fingers, penis and toys, as she chooses. Husband is responsible for ensuring that wife enjoys at least one orgasm.
Wife may begin the session with a foot massage and/or a full body massage and/or a bubble bath, and may require husband to assist her putting on her Play Day stockings and lingerie. Wife may terminate the Play Day without sexual contact at her choosing. During massage, bath and dressing assistance, unless wife makes her intentions clear, husband must ask for and receive permission before touching wife’s genital area.

Rolling a 6:
Aha! At last Hubby gets unlocked, free of the chastity device and gets a guaranteed opportunity for a release during the Play Day. There are some conditions however. First, Hubby may not release inside of his wife; that is reserved for a roll of 7 and only a roll of 7. Second, husband may only cum if he obtains permission from his wife just before he cums - he must request permission only when he is ready and must cum soon after getting permission from wife. Wife may refuse permission any number of times to test husband’s self-control and build up the tension and anticipation, before finally granting permission; and may withdraw permission if husband takes too long to cum. Husband must request permission each time until permission is granted. Husband will obtain release only through the touch of his wife - he may not touch his own penis to cum. Violation of any of the above conditions incurs a penalty as described in the penalty section.
Wife may begin the session with a foot massage and/or a full body massage and/or a bubble bath, and may require husband to assist her putting on her Play Day stockings and lingerie. During massage, bath and dressing assistance, unless wife makes her intentions clear, husband must ask for and receive permission before touching wife’s genital area.

Rolling a 7:
Hubby hits the Married Chastity Play jackpot. Husband is released from his chastity device and has the opportunity for orgasm during the Play Day and may, at the wife’s direction, have intercourse with her in the positions she so directs, but husband may cum only if he asks and obtains permission to orgasm from his wife as described in roll 6. Moreover, husband may only cum inside wife when wife is in the on-top position, astride his hips, riding him. Cumming at any other time is a violation of the rules and is subject to penalty unless wife directs otherwise.
As with every other Play Day, husband has the obligation to service his wife at her direction and ensure that she obtains at least one orgasm before he is allowed to release. Wife may begin the Play Day with a full body or foot massage, bubble bath and/or dressing assistance that may or may not involve sexual contact, as decided by wife.

Rolling an 8:
Hubby is still in luck with this roll as he will be permitted to be free of his chastity device during the Play Day, and will be given the opportunity to cum if he does so in accordance with the rules. Husband will be permitted to cum but only with his own hand providing the final stimulation for release - he must masturbate to orgasm under the direction of his wife. She may stimulate him in any manner during the Play Day, but he must finally cum using only his own hand. As with rolls of 6 and 7, husband must first ask and receive permission to cum. Any violation of these conditions subjects the husband to penalty.
As with every other Play Day, husband has the obligation to service his wife at her direction and ensure that she obtains at least one orgasm before he is allowed to release. Wife may begin the Play Day with a full body or foot massage, bubble bath and/or dressing assistance that may or may not involve sexual contact, as decided by wife.

Special Wife Roll Result Changes
Wife is entitled to change or amend any of the roll result play instructions for that day during any Play Day at her own discretion.

Spontaneous Sex - Romping
Totally spontaneous sex is also fun and shouldn't be lost. Therefore, at any time, before, during or after a Roll or Play Day, wife may initiate totally free, spontaneous sex, in which husband (and wife of course) may orgasm at any time, in any way and in any position mutually desired, by wife simply telling husband - "This is a Romp Day," or similar words. In addition to spur of the moment passion, wife intends to have Romps on special occasions like birthdays and anniversaries and to reward especially thoughtful behavior by husband.

Minor Violations and Penalties:
The following are considered minor violations when they occur no more than once in a calendar month. Should two or more minor violations occur in a calendar month, the second violation and every succeeding minor violation that month will treated and penalized as a major violation.

1. Husband failing to ask for or to obtain permission to orgasm, or for violating any of the other conditions for release during those Play Days when the number rolled (or preemptively called by wife) entitled him to the opportunity for sexual release.

2. Husband expressing any negative comment or complaint during the Roll ceremony or aftermath, or during the Play Day itself.

3. Husband failing to quickly and enthusiastically follow the directions of wife during a Play Day.

4. Husband failing to ensure wife obtains at least one orgasm during a Play Day.

The penalty for these violations is an automatic roll of 2 for the next Roll Day (husband remains locked in his chastity device; wife determines type of tube, regular or short) and is denied sexual release. The normal roll ceremony and results (or wife’s preemptive call) will then return for the next and succeeding Roll Days.

Major Violations and Penalties:

The following are considered major violations when they occur no more than once in a calendar month. Should two or more major violations occur in a calendar month, the second and each succeeding major violation will be considered a “serial major violation” and receive double the penalty of a major violation; all penalties to run consecutively.

1. Husband ejaculating during a Play Day when he is not authorized by roll number to do so and has not received special permission from his wife.

2. Husband ejaculating at any other time than during a Play Day.

3. Husband’s unauthorized removal or defeat (slipping out of it) of the chastity device except in a bona fide emergency.

4. Husband's disobedience of wife’s directions during a Play Day.

The penalty for a major violation is an immediate suspension of Play Days for a period of 10 days, followed by two Roll Days in which the husband will be given an automatic roll result of a 2. Wife may require husband to use the Points of Intrigue insert during one or both of the two automatic roll 2 Play Days when his conduct has been particularly bad. This enforced chastity period which will cover a period of at least 25 days will provide husband the opportunity to contemplate the error of his ways and the motivation to avoid making a simiar mistake in the future.

Milking and Prostate Health:

As the imposition of some penalties, penalty combinations and roll results may result in the denial of husbands ejaculation for a period in excess of thirty days; and since it is known that such lengthy periods of chastity are not healthy and may cause damage to husband’s prostate; the wife may impose a requirement that husband be milked on the first Play Day following any chastity period of thirty days, when such denial of sexual release has continued beyond thirty consecutive days because of penalties, roll of the dice and/or wife’s preemptive choice.

Milking of the husband involves the massage, stimulation or manipulation of husband’s prostate gland so as draw out his seminal fluid and clear his prostate ducts without the pleasure of an explosive, orgasmic release. This procedure may involve the use of the wife’s gloved fingers, a prostate massaging toy such as a vibrator, plug or dildo, the act of pegging, or any combination of those techniques. Husband shall willingly submit to this procedure and promptly follow all of wife’s directions to accomplish it.

Comments From the Lady of the House

These rules underwent several changes during the first year as we felt our way through this new and fabulously exciting change in our sexual relations. They have remained unchanged now for two years and work extremely well for both of us. In fact, I can’t imagine going back to what it was like before we started the Chastity Play. Bob and I have grown closer than we’ve ever been before. Apart from the vast improvement in our sex lives, the rest of our relationship has improved even more. Bob is now unfailingly attentive, helpful, loving, patient and a great listener. I believe I have reciprocated in similar fashion, lavishing attention and support on Bob and making him the most important person in my life. We haven’t had an argument or even a cross word with each other in three years, and we look forward to many more blissful years together.

Don’t worry if it seems a little weird or kinky - it works! Nobody could have been more naive than I about these sorts of things three years ago, and yet I readily adapted to it because I saw the benefits to me and to us, to our marriage, to our relationship and to our family. I need never worry about another woman; and Bob need never even think about looking for sexual satisfaction outside of his marriage, since he gets everything he wants and needs right here with me (Not to mention the fact that he is always locked into his chastity device when he is not making love to me during a Play Day!). That alone makes it worth it. Oh, and did I mention that I have never been so pampered and sexually satisfied in my entire life.
I am:

The Lady of the House


  1. A great description to an important aspect of the cuckolding lifestyle!

  2. Thanks for a great and elaborate post on this topic, it will inspire both my girlfriend and myself. We've practiced chastity for about 5 months now, and I must admit (as a guy) that I was skeptical at first when my girlfriend proposed it. She has previously been into a chastity relationship and already harboured a lot of good experiences that she wanted to bring into her next relationship (i.e. with me). But I'm glad I was open to it, because; as you say it has made us both happier, the sex is better and I have more stamina and better performance in bed than ever, and she climaxes several times almost every time because of that!

    Since ejaculation is much less frequent that also means more semen is allowed to build up, producing more impressive "cumshots" on the few days I'm allowed to ejaculate. Before, there was usually just a few dribbles. Now it is easily 5-10 strong archs of semen and she tells me that is much more masculine than the pathetic dribbling.

    Anyhow, the one thing we want to improve is how to enforce chastity during intercourse. While I'm often wearing a device during a regular day, it comes off before intercourse. Although "play days"are ok as well, we'd like to continue having intercourse as often as possible, but without the possibility for me to cum.

    So far, the following measurements to prevent ejaculation has been done:

    -circumcision. Ok, it's a bit drastic, but I'm a European that was uncircumcised when I met my (American) girlfriend and was something that was important to her because of aesthetics and hygiene as well. But it also makes controlling my ejaculation easier without the foreskin.

    -Cream for less sensation to be applied on the glans. It reduces sensitivity so it's harder to cum.

    -Pulling out, and she presses just under the base and under the tip of my penis. It stops the process of ejaculation.

    However, we sometimes do have the occasional accident, sometimes I'm not quick enough to pull out of her so she can press under the base and the tip. What we're looking for is a more bullet proof manner to stop my ejaculation. Also, when I have to pull out of her to stop it, we also ruin her ability to orgasm, so we'd like a method that still allows me to keep inside her so she can climax as intended.

    Somewhere I read there's a cage like metal device that can be used during intercourse, consisting of two rings connected with three metal bars. Basically the two rings presses the base of the penis as well as the tip of the penis. And, it was supposed to be adjustable with a remote control, allowing her to tighten the rings while the man is inside her. However, I haven't really seen that anywhere, tips on where to find something like that would be appreciated!

    At last, I'd also like tips on how to "cum on command". Occasinally she likes to see me doing that in front of her, and although I usually come if she's helping I'd like to be able to ejaculate while she's just telling me where and when to do it.

  3. Ms. Sue Ellen- Thank you for your wonderful insights putting it all in perspective, and your helpful description of the rules. All very (well, too!) clear! :)

  4. I would also like to know of anyone that may have some information and advice on this "cum on command" option also. I am in same predicament as the last commenter in that my wife has control and forbids me to orgasm inttil she has. Bit often verry difficult especially when she begins her orgasm process and I can't resist ejaculation when I know she is getting pleased.

  5. Just wondering how this has been going for you lately and if you are keeping up with his Chastity.

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  7. Are you still playing the game? I have been trying to start chastity play with my wife with some positive results but also with a lot of hesitancy. Wondering if you are open to answering questions about how you came about getting comfortable with things. Specifically overcoming your "prude" Catholic school girl mentality. My wife says that both masturbation and vibe toys have never done anything for her. I'm wondering if you think that is due to her upbringing and feeling like it is "naughty" or if it's feasible to just not like doing it. (Mental vs physiological). It has caught her off guard as I have delved into oral with her for the first time since we were both married (we are also in our 40s and have been married for almost 19 years now) and she doesn't know what to think of it and why I'm enjoying it so much. In your opinion, is it just something that I need to be patient with and she may find comfort in over time? We've had some GREAT days and some disputes over understanding and rules and "newness" of it all. I'm hoping that it can continue but I'd love to get a woman's perspective on things. If oral is sufficient for her as a means to be satisfied I'm more than happy to go that route - but I don't want it to get redundant for her.

  8. I know it's been six years since you wrote this post, Sue Ellen, but like several others asked, how is it going? Do you still play? I appreciate your input, it's inspired me and my husband's play. Thanks!

  9. It seems both of you were responsible for the downfall of intimacy and sexual tension, none of you were satisfying each other’s needs.

    The obvious and logic solution is for BOTH to communicate and put some damn effort into recreating the bond, fulfilling the emotional and sexual needs of the other, and avoid shutting off the other like you were both doing.

    I get that now you have this chastity fetish, but that is a “solution” where only one party (the husband) does the fulfilling, and the other (the wife) only receives, even making a priority to deny fulfillment of the husband's sexual pleasure.

    That is not really a solution, that is just one party becoming the dominant, and the other acquiescing and being controlled.

    Why couldn’t you and your husband just put the damn effort you’re putting now without having to destroy equality and make one partner’s needs more important than the other's?

    Keep the fetish a fetish, don’t try to sell it as anything else, because on the face of it it’s pretty abusive to treat your husband (or any partner) like this.