Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Married Chastity Play - The Husband's Point of View

Having read SueEllen’s post, I have to say that at the time (prior to our Chastity Play), I had no idea that she was so unhappy and feeling so insecure. I think a lot of guys don’t know just how unhappy and resentful their wives are. I knew something had gone missing from the relationship but I just chalked it up to the natural fading of passion and ardor that comes with age and familiarity. I really missed the sexual passion of our younger years together but just didn’t know how to reignite it. SueEllen seemed to always be too tired, or too distracted by the kid’s activities to enjoy sex. It bothered me that she never initiated sex; and when I did, I often got rejected by a fairly transparent excuse or a listless partner that seemed to be just going through the motions.

I have to admit, I’m a little embarrassed now by my wife’s description of my love-making technique as ten quick minutes in the dark followed by a roll-over and off to sleep. It was absolutely true though. I had stopped trying. I had stopped focusing on giving my wife pleasure because every signal, verbal and non-verbal indicated that she just wasn’t interested. So, we had perfunctory sex when she allowed any sex at all, something true lovers should never do, and I took care of most of my sexual relief needs with masturbation.

Looking back on it, it was the frequent masturbation, often five or six times a week, that enabled me to ignore the sexual problems with my wife for so long. There was no biological imperative to fix it. Stopping the masturbation changed everything - it fully harnessed the incredible power of my sexual instincts to repairing my relationship with my wife - putting her first, ensuring she enjoyed herself, so she would then take an interest in satisfying my sexual needs.

I came across information on male chastity play almost accidently while surfing the web. I had found a site with many well-written, sexually explicit stories ( and one of the stories dealt with male chastity play. I found it very arousing, strangely so. Something about it - the tease and denial, the central involvement of the wife or significant other in sexual play in which she was the center of attention and hence, very interested in playing the game; something or some combination of things about touched the center of my sexual psyche in a way that nothing else ever had. I had really missed that kind of total involvement with SueEllen.

It would seem counter-intuitive that male chastity would appeal to somebody as highly sexed as I was but there was no arguing with how I felt - just how aroused I was by the idea of it. Before we began male chastity play, I was all about quantity - getting off as often as I could. I just didn’t know and did not appreciate the fact that there could be a huge quality difference in sexual experiences and the sexual release or orgasm itself; and that sublime quality mattered far more than the quantity or frequency of orgasms.

I began to read more about it and found that male chastity play was becoming increasingly common among the sexually adventurous, and that it covered a wide spectrum of relationships and play. At one end of the spectrum, some couples lived a complete female dominant/male submissive relationship in which male chastity was only one component; and it wasn’t play - it was their lives 24/7. Moving further down the spectrum, there were Female Led Marriages where the wife took the lead in all or nearly all aspects of their married lives, with the bedroom and male chastity again being only one aspect. There were many different variations on this kind of relationship.

Although it seemed that most couples involved in male chastity play congregated somewhere in the Female Led Marriages continuum, there was a sizable minority that engaged in male chastity/female pleasure focused play that confined that aspect of total female control strictly to the bedroom - the couple had equal roles (or even a male led role) in all other aspects of their relationship. It was all about sexual play and pleasure for both parties. That its explicit focus was on female pleasure and perquisites, disguised the fact that the female being totally involved in the sexual play and the ability of the male to provide that sexual pleasure to his mate, was the source of enormous pleasure and satisfaction for the male - with or without an orgasm of his own.

Moreover, couples in this latter group also described a kind of aura effect. The tremendous improvement this type of play brought to their sexual lives had an equally enormous impact on their non-sexual lives and relationships. Most described this deep bond or connection created between husband and wife during this play which had an immediate, positive impact on how the husband treated his wife - how much more positive, caring and cooperative he was; and the reciprocal effect on the wife, who after engaging in this type of play gave their husbands much more attention, devotion and love than they had ever shown before.

The combination of mutual love and trust required for chastity play, the full engagement and focused direction of the husband’s sexual drive and the wife’s full engagement in sexual play and her ability to feel completely safe and in control of her body and their sexual life, generated a new and fantastically positive change in their overall relationship - both sexual and non-sexual. It seemed to change the dynamics of even long settled marital relationships and ignited them in a way that neither had anticipated but both were overjoyed to discover. Well, I had to try this.

Before proposing the idea to SueEllen, I bought a chastity device. After considerable research, I opted for the CB-6000. It seemed to have the features of genital isolation I needed and it was light-weight and easily concealable. It came in both a regular and short version of the penile tube. I ordered both to try them out.

I wore it for a few hours a day at first. Then as I got the fit right after experimenting with different ring sizes, tube lengths, pins and spacers, I wore it more often. After two weeks I had it on practically 24/7, taking it off only to shower each day. I found it to be remarkably comfortable. It was also remarkably effective. Although not “locked up,” (I used a simple, small clip to keep it closed), I didn’t cheat and masturbate and didn’t feel the need to do so. I was so involved in the experiment that I wanted to stay in the device to see what it felt like day to day while engaged in lots of different activities. And it worked - all masturbation and desire for masturbation stopped. I felt the increase in sexual tension but truly wanted to experience it - see what it was like to stay chaste for a period of time.

After the two weeks of nearly 24/7 wear, I decided to move forward and propose the idea of male chastity play to SueEllen. I felt that there wasn’t much to lose -our sexual relationship was at rock bottom and the rest of our relationship wasn’t much better.. During the two weeks I wore the device, we had not engaged in sex or any kind of sexual or intimate play. In fact, there was very little touching between us of any kind. I didn’t initiate sex, and she didn’t. We led our increasingly separate lives as we had been for several years.

But that all changed when I broached the subject of sex and sexual play with SueEllen. I told her I wanted to try something new - something that would liven up our sexual lives. SueEllen was immediately suspicious and defensive. She said she didn’t want to try something new. Then I began to describe just what the new thing was - beginning with the centrality of female control and pleasure in the new play. She seemed to show a little more interest when I told her that she would control the “if,” “when,” “what” and “how” of every sexual encounter.

When I introduced the idea of male chastity to the play she was more than a little incredulous. It was like - “Male What?!” And when I explained about male chastity devices, she was completely weirded out, like: “you’ve got to be kidding - you’re going to wear what?!” I assured her that I wasn’t kidding and then explained all of the benefits to her - the main one being that she would now control my orgasms - she decided if and when I got sexual release. Among other things, this would make any flirtation or dalliance with another woman uncomfortable and any actual affair impossible. She began to warm up to the idea when she heard that I but still there was this suspicion, like “what’s the catch?”

She had a hard time understanding why I would voluntarily place such an intimate and personal thing as my orgasm under her control. I explained what I had read about it - that it not only made the sex between committed couples infinitely better, but it also seemed to really affect the rest of their relationship in a positive way. I proposed that we try it for a few months to see if we liked it. I emphasized that at any time, if either of us was uncomfortable with it and wanted to stop it, it would stop without argument by the other. She was reassured by the inclusion of a quick exit if she didn’t like it.

We talked a little about introducing “chance” into the play using dice to see if I was going to get an orgasm that day. I emphasized that whether or not I did, she always had an orgasm coming and I was responsible for ensuring she got one. She could decline all sexual contact if she wanted - even if it was a sexual release result for me, she could insist that I get off without any assistance from her. She didn’t quite believe what I was saying - again, I could see the “what’s the catch?” floating around in her mind, but she generally agreed to go along with it.

SueEllen was curious about the chastity device. When I proposed the chastity play to her I had it on and slipped off my trousers and shorts to show it to her. She was surprised to see it, putting her hand over her mouth as it opened and stepping back, even giving a short, nervous laugh as she looked at it. She asked me if it hurt, looking at the way my balls kind of bulged out, trapped between the ring and tube base. I told her it didn’t and was actually quite comfortable. She gave me one of those looks of doubt, like “Really?” When I told her I had been wearing it just about 24/7 for the last two weeks she was even more surprised, quizzing me about how I had hid it. I told her I did nothing special to hide it, I just didn’t wear it out in the open with her and wore my normal clothes to work and at home. I told her that unless it was touched, it wasn’t really detectable from the outside and nobody had touched me there for those two weeks. This last statement was something of an unintended indictment of just how cold our relationship had become.

I suggested a list of dice roll results. Basically just orgasm or denial - nothing like the more elaborate rules that we use now. Those evolved mostly over the first year and still get modified in small ways as we discover new things about our sexuality. The rules we started with was a dice roll of 2, 3, 4, 10, 11 and 12, was orgasm denial - I wasn’t allowed to cum. Results of 6, 7, and 8 was orgasm allowed, with no special rules about how and when (those came later). I added a little wrinkle I had read about on the web that was used in another couple’s game - the “undetermined result.” This was assigned to rolls of 5 and 9, and basically it kept the husband in suspense until the very end, when the wife would decide, like Caesar at the gladitorial games, thumbs up or thumbs down - orgasm allowed or orgasm denied. SueEllen really liked that - it was the first indication that she was warming up to the whole idea.

We decided to start by rolling the dice the next night since the kids would be away visiting their uncle for the weekend. I did a little shopping the next day and picked up some scented massage oil, scented candles and a soft jazz CD. I stopped at the office supply store and picked up a large square of cardboard, what we used to call “oak tag” when I was a kid. We would use that as the surface for the dice throw (I would later have a highly polished and lacquered, two foot square of teak wood made up for our official dice throw board).

All that day I had this feeling of energy and excitement as though I was being pumped full of adrenaline. I hadn’t felt like this since I was a kid going on a date for the first time. SueEllen told me later that she had felt the same way - just incredibly excited and energized. We went out to a romantic seafood place and had a wonderful dinner. We actually talked about us, how we were feeling and held hands under the table. I don’t think we had done that since our honeymoon - in fact it all felt very much like our honeymoon.

We each had a couple of glasses of wine and talked for over two hours over the four dinner courses and coffee about our hopes and our dreams, and how great it felt to be feeling connected again to each other. Of course, the amazing thing is this all happened before any of the sexual part of the chastity had even happened - it all came from the change in the dynamic of our relationship and the anticipation of the chastity play in our sexual relationship. Wow - this was strong stuff, I thought to myself. I had no idea how powerful and life-changing this was - no idea at all.

When we returned to the house, we quickly got ready for our first evening of “play.” I showered first, and while I did so, I saw through the steam clouded shower door, SueEllen pick up the pieces of the chastity device that I had left on the sink counter and inspect them, running her fingers along both the inside and outside of the restraining tube. After I stepped out of the shower and dried off, I put on the chastity device in front of her for the first time. She watched intently as I lubricated my semi-flaccid shaft and put the regular tube of the CB-6000 over it, then used my index finger to push it all the way in. I put on the ring, closing segments with guide pins, the locking pin and clip in quick succession, having already had much practice.

As I went into the bedroom and began lighting candles, laying out fluffy towels on the bed and putting the soft jazz on the CD player, I heard the bathroom door close and the shower come on. SueEllen had always liked to shower in private and still wasn’t comfortable disrobing in front of me with the lights on. So much was to change during the next few months.

While I put the bottle of massage oil in a warm water bath in a large bowl on the night stand, laid out several vibrators, put the cardboard square on the bed with a pair of dice and doused the lights, I thought about this night and what it might mean for us. As sexually excited as I was, and the discomfort I felt in my genitals as it strained against the chastity device was a constant reminder of that, I thought about whether it would be better for us if I actually rolled a number that denied me an orgasm - it would be final confirmation that this was real if I went through with it. I decided it was a win-win situation either way. As it turned out, married chastity play is exactly that, a win-win situation for both regardless of the results of individual rolls of the dice.

As I was musing about this, I heard the door open and the click of the bathroom lights go out. SueEllen came in bathed only in the soft glow of the candlelight and she was a sight to behold. Dressed in a short, black negligee and almost transparent black panties, she walked in slowly, taking in the sight of me on the bed, wearing only my chastity device and the surroundings of the scented candlelight and soft music. She had a huge smile on her face as she came over to the bed and sat down on it, her legs dangling over the side.

SueEllen hadn’t dressed like this for bed in many years. She had even put on a fragrance that just oozed sexuality. The ring of my chastity device pulling hard against my balls as my member tried desperately to erect reminded me of my predicament. As I moved my fingers to the ring and tried to adjust it to take some pressure off my sensitive balls, she said:

“Oh my, you are having a problem aren’t you,” then giggled a little in girlish delight at the discomfort here mere presence was causing me.

“Yes, but it’s a lovely problem,” I responded, looking her directly in the eyes. Her legs seemed to twitch a little as my gaze focused on her.

“Okay, now what,” she asked.

“Now I have a couple of things to say before rolling the dice.”

“Kind of like a condemned man’s last words,” she said jokingly.

“No, a condemned man’s words come at the end of his life. These words are coming at the beginning at what I hope will be a new life for us,” I ad libbed seriously.

“SueEllen,” I began looking deeply into her eyes, “I love you completely and without reservation; and what’s more, I trust you completely with my life and,” I said pointing to my groin, “my sexual being. You now have complete control of this,” I said, raising my tube enclosed penis with my fingers to show it to her. “And as a continuing symbol of that complete control, I am entrusting you with this key.”

SueEllen looked surprised as I presented her with a small key on a thin, gold chain. She looked down at my chastity device enclosed genitals and noticed for the first time that instead of a clip, I had a tiny, one inch padlock on the locking pin. The look of surprise remained on her face as I opened up the chain and motioned her to lean forward. She did, dipping her head slightly to allow me to place the chain with the key around her neck. When she sat back up, I saw the key had settled into a nice, comfortable niche in the cleavage of her beautiful, full breasts.

There was silence for a few moments as she brought her fingers up to the key and felt it, then stroked it with her thumb and forefinger. Tears welled up in her eyes and she cleared her throat as she tried to collect herself.

“I, I . . .I love you too Bob, completely, and more than I ever knew until this very moment. I, . . . I trust you too - with my life, with my happiness. And, and I accept responsibility for your sexual being and will do all I can to take care of it, to earn the trust you have given me,” she said, tears now flowing freely from the corners of her eyes.

I took her hand in mine and gently stroked the top of her fingers with my thumb as I said:

“And I hope to earn your complete faith and confidence in me as well.”

I could feel tears welling up in my eyes as all of the years of anger and resentment just fell away from me and I felt closer to SueEllen than I’d ever felt before.

“Gu, guess I’d better roll,” I said stammering, trying to cover the fact that there were tears in my eyes. SueEllen looked at me and smiled; she wasn’t fooled a bit.

I picked up the dice, rattled them in my hand as I shook them, then poured out the cubes from my open palm, the dice tumbling across the cardboard until they came to a stop at the edge.

There was no getting around it - it was a 4. Two plus two always make four.

There were several moments of uneasy silence as the result sank in for both of us.

“Do you, . . . do you want to try again,” SueEllen said helpfully in a voice that was barely audible.

“No, no” I said bravely. If chastity play is to work, we have to accept the results of the roll. And the roll says denial this time - no orgasm.

“Oh,” she said sympathetically, aware of the tremendous amount of sexual tension between us and how difficult this was going to be for me.

“Can I offer you a massage dear?” I said, showing her the soft towel laid out on the bed and the bottle of massage oil sitting in the bowl of warm water.

“Ye, yes, er yes, I think I’d like that,” she said a little quizzically, now already in uncharted territory as far as the sexual relationship between us had been til now. She slowly lay down face down on the towel.

“And, just because I am being denied, it doesn’t mean you are. In fact, the play rules say that I’m responsible for ensuring you have an orgasm during all play,” I said, repeating the rule I had explained the day before.

“Oh, that sounds very nice,” she said, sounding unconvinced that this was in fact true - that she really was going to be massaged and aroused and finally given an orgasm and all she had to do was just lay there and enjoy it.

“Oh, also, you get to decide whether I stay in the chastity device. At any time, you can decide to let me loose from it using your key,” I said with a touch of hope in my voice, the pressure on my balls from my straining member starting to create a telltale ache in the bottom of my sack.

“Either way - no orgasm for me,” I added helpfully.

She looked back at me over her shoulder and then smiled slyly before replying:

“Well, let’s leave it on for now and see how you do.”

It was the perfect response. For the first time, I sensed that SueEllen was now fully engaged in the game of Married Chastity Play. She was going to become a fantastic player. More than I could ever hope for.

[I will continue the story of our first night of Married Chastity Play in a future post.]