Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Married Chastity Play - The Husband's Point of View

Having read SueEllen’s post, I have to say that at the time (prior to our Chastity Play), I had no idea that she was so unhappy and feeling so insecure. I think a lot of guys don’t know just how unhappy and resentful their wives are. I knew something had gone missing from the relationship but I just chalked it up to the natural fading of passion and ardor that comes with age and familiarity. I really missed the sexual passion of our younger years together but just didn’t know how to reignite it. SueEllen seemed to always be too tired, or too distracted by the kid’s activities to enjoy sex. It bothered me that she never initiated sex; and when I did, I often got rejected by a fairly transparent excuse or a listless partner that seemed to be just going through the motions.

I have to admit, I’m a little embarrassed now by my wife’s description of my love-making technique as ten quick minutes in the dark followed by a roll-over and off to sleep. It was absolutely true though. I had stopped trying. I had stopped focusing on giving my wife pleasure because every signal, verbal and non-verbal indicated that she just wasn’t interested. So, we had perfunctory sex when she allowed any sex at all, something true lovers should never do, and I took care of most of my sexual relief needs with masturbation.

Looking back on it, it was the frequent masturbation, often five or six times a week, that enabled me to ignore the sexual problems with my wife for so long. There was no biological imperative to fix it. Stopping the masturbation changed everything - it fully harnessed the incredible power of my sexual instincts to repairing my relationship with my wife - putting her first, ensuring she enjoyed herself, so she would then take an interest in satisfying my sexual needs.

I came across information on male chastity play almost accidently while surfing the web. I had found a site with many well-written, sexually explicit stories ( and one of the stories dealt with male chastity play. I found it very arousing, strangely so. Something about it - the tease and denial, the central involvement of the wife or significant other in sexual play in which she was the center of attention and hence, very interested in playing the game; something or some combination of things about touched the center of my sexual psyche in a way that nothing else ever had. I had really missed that kind of total involvement with SueEllen.

It would seem counter-intuitive that male chastity would appeal to somebody as highly sexed as I was but there was no arguing with how I felt - just how aroused I was by the idea of it. Before we began male chastity play, I was all about quantity - getting off as often as I could. I just didn’t know and did not appreciate the fact that there could be a huge quality difference in sexual experiences and the sexual release or orgasm itself; and that sublime quality mattered far more than the quantity or frequency of orgasms.

I began to read more about it and found that male chastity play was becoming increasingly common among the sexually adventurous, and that it covered a wide spectrum of relationships and play. At one end of the spectrum, some couples lived a complete female dominant/male submissive relationship in which male chastity was only one component; and it wasn’t play - it was their lives 24/7. Moving further down the spectrum, there were Female Led Marriages where the wife took the lead in all or nearly all aspects of their married lives, with the bedroom and male chastity again being only one aspect. There were many different variations on this kind of relationship.

Although it seemed that most couples involved in male chastity play congregated somewhere in the Female Led Marriages continuum, there was a sizable minority that engaged in male chastity/female pleasure focused play that confined that aspect of total female control strictly to the bedroom - the couple had equal roles (or even a male led role) in all other aspects of their relationship. It was all about sexual play and pleasure for both parties. That its explicit focus was on female pleasure and perquisites, disguised the fact that the female being totally involved in the sexual play and the ability of the male to provide that sexual pleasure to his mate, was the source of enormous pleasure and satisfaction for the male - with or without an orgasm of his own.

Moreover, couples in this latter group also described a kind of aura effect. The tremendous improvement this type of play brought to their sexual lives had an equally enormous impact on their non-sexual lives and relationships. Most described this deep bond or connection created between husband and wife during this play which had an immediate, positive impact on how the husband treated his wife - how much more positive, caring and cooperative he was; and the reciprocal effect on the wife, who after engaging in this type of play gave their husbands much more attention, devotion and love than they had ever shown before.

The combination of mutual love and trust required for chastity play, the full engagement and focused direction of the husband’s sexual drive and the wife’s full engagement in sexual play and her ability to feel completely safe and in control of her body and their sexual life, generated a new and fantastically positive change in their overall relationship - both sexual and non-sexual. It seemed to change the dynamics of even long settled marital relationships and ignited them in a way that neither had anticipated but both were overjoyed to discover. Well, I had to try this.

Before proposing the idea to SueEllen, I bought a chastity device. After considerable research, I opted for the CB-6000. It seemed to have the features of genital isolation I needed and it was light-weight and easily concealable. It came in both a regular and short version of the penile tube. I ordered both to try them out.

I wore it for a few hours a day at first. Then as I got the fit right after experimenting with different ring sizes, tube lengths, pins and spacers, I wore it more often. After two weeks I had it on practically 24/7, taking it off only to shower each day. I found it to be remarkably comfortable. It was also remarkably effective. Although not “locked up,” (I used a simple, small clip to keep it closed), I didn’t cheat and masturbate and didn’t feel the need to do so. I was so involved in the experiment that I wanted to stay in the device to see what it felt like day to day while engaged in lots of different activities. And it worked - all masturbation and desire for masturbation stopped. I felt the increase in sexual tension but truly wanted to experience it - see what it was like to stay chaste for a period of time.

After the two weeks of nearly 24/7 wear, I decided to move forward and propose the idea of male chastity play to SueEllen. I felt that there wasn’t much to lose -our sexual relationship was at rock bottom and the rest of our relationship wasn’t much better.. During the two weeks I wore the device, we had not engaged in sex or any kind of sexual or intimate play. In fact, there was very little touching between us of any kind. I didn’t initiate sex, and she didn’t. We led our increasingly separate lives as we had been for several years.

But that all changed when I broached the subject of sex and sexual play with SueEllen. I told her I wanted to try something new - something that would liven up our sexual lives. SueEllen was immediately suspicious and defensive. She said she didn’t want to try something new. Then I began to describe just what the new thing was - beginning with the centrality of female control and pleasure in the new play. She seemed to show a little more interest when I told her that she would control the “if,” “when,” “what” and “how” of every sexual encounter.

When I introduced the idea of male chastity to the play she was more than a little incredulous. It was like - “Male What?!” And when I explained about male chastity devices, she was completely weirded out, like: “you’ve got to be kidding - you’re going to wear what?!” I assured her that I wasn’t kidding and then explained all of the benefits to her - the main one being that she would now control my orgasms - she decided if and when I got sexual release. Among other things, this would make any flirtation or dalliance with another woman uncomfortable and any actual affair impossible. She began to warm up to the idea when she heard that I but still there was this suspicion, like “what’s the catch?”

She had a hard time understanding why I would voluntarily place such an intimate and personal thing as my orgasm under her control. I explained what I had read about it - that it not only made the sex between committed couples infinitely better, but it also seemed to really affect the rest of their relationship in a positive way. I proposed that we try it for a few months to see if we liked it. I emphasized that at any time, if either of us was uncomfortable with it and wanted to stop it, it would stop without argument by the other. She was reassured by the inclusion of a quick exit if she didn’t like it.

We talked a little about introducing “chance” into the play using dice to see if I was going to get an orgasm that day. I emphasized that whether or not I did, she always had an orgasm coming and I was responsible for ensuring she got one. She could decline all sexual contact if she wanted - even if it was a sexual release result for me, she could insist that I get off without any assistance from her. She didn’t quite believe what I was saying - again, I could see the “what’s the catch?” floating around in her mind, but she generally agreed to go along with it.

SueEllen was curious about the chastity device. When I proposed the chastity play to her I had it on and slipped off my trousers and shorts to show it to her. She was surprised to see it, putting her hand over her mouth as it opened and stepping back, even giving a short, nervous laugh as she looked at it. She asked me if it hurt, looking at the way my balls kind of bulged out, trapped between the ring and tube base. I told her it didn’t and was actually quite comfortable. She gave me one of those looks of doubt, like “Really?” When I told her I had been wearing it just about 24/7 for the last two weeks she was even more surprised, quizzing me about how I had hid it. I told her I did nothing special to hide it, I just didn’t wear it out in the open with her and wore my normal clothes to work and at home. I told her that unless it was touched, it wasn’t really detectable from the outside and nobody had touched me there for those two weeks. This last statement was something of an unintended indictment of just how cold our relationship had become.

I suggested a list of dice roll results. Basically just orgasm or denial - nothing like the more elaborate rules that we use now. Those evolved mostly over the first year and still get modified in small ways as we discover new things about our sexuality. The rules we started with was a dice roll of 2, 3, 4, 10, 11 and 12, was orgasm denial - I wasn’t allowed to cum. Results of 6, 7, and 8 was orgasm allowed, with no special rules about how and when (those came later). I added a little wrinkle I had read about on the web that was used in another couple’s game - the “undetermined result.” This was assigned to rolls of 5 and 9, and basically it kept the husband in suspense until the very end, when the wife would decide, like Caesar at the gladitorial games, thumbs up or thumbs down - orgasm allowed or orgasm denied. SueEllen really liked that - it was the first indication that she was warming up to the whole idea.

We decided to start by rolling the dice the next night since the kids would be away visiting their uncle for the weekend. I did a little shopping the next day and picked up some scented massage oil, scented candles and a soft jazz CD. I stopped at the office supply store and picked up a large square of cardboard, what we used to call “oak tag” when I was a kid. We would use that as the surface for the dice throw (I would later have a highly polished and lacquered, two foot square of teak wood made up for our official dice throw board).

All that day I had this feeling of energy and excitement as though I was being pumped full of adrenaline. I hadn’t felt like this since I was a kid going on a date for the first time. SueEllen told me later that she had felt the same way - just incredibly excited and energized. We went out to a romantic seafood place and had a wonderful dinner. We actually talked about us, how we were feeling and held hands under the table. I don’t think we had done that since our honeymoon - in fact it all felt very much like our honeymoon.

We each had a couple of glasses of wine and talked for over two hours over the four dinner courses and coffee about our hopes and our dreams, and how great it felt to be feeling connected again to each other. Of course, the amazing thing is this all happened before any of the sexual part of the chastity had even happened - it all came from the change in the dynamic of our relationship and the anticipation of the chastity play in our sexual relationship. Wow - this was strong stuff, I thought to myself. I had no idea how powerful and life-changing this was - no idea at all.

When we returned to the house, we quickly got ready for our first evening of “play.” I showered first, and while I did so, I saw through the steam clouded shower door, SueEllen pick up the pieces of the chastity device that I had left on the sink counter and inspect them, running her fingers along both the inside and outside of the restraining tube. After I stepped out of the shower and dried off, I put on the chastity device in front of her for the first time. She watched intently as I lubricated my semi-flaccid shaft and put the regular tube of the CB-6000 over it, then used my index finger to push it all the way in. I put on the ring, closing segments with guide pins, the locking pin and clip in quick succession, having already had much practice.

As I went into the bedroom and began lighting candles, laying out fluffy towels on the bed and putting the soft jazz on the CD player, I heard the bathroom door close and the shower come on. SueEllen had always liked to shower in private and still wasn’t comfortable disrobing in front of me with the lights on. So much was to change during the next few months.

While I put the bottle of massage oil in a warm water bath in a large bowl on the night stand, laid out several vibrators, put the cardboard square on the bed with a pair of dice and doused the lights, I thought about this night and what it might mean for us. As sexually excited as I was, and the discomfort I felt in my genitals as it strained against the chastity device was a constant reminder of that, I thought about whether it would be better for us if I actually rolled a number that denied me an orgasm - it would be final confirmation that this was real if I went through with it. I decided it was a win-win situation either way. As it turned out, married chastity play is exactly that, a win-win situation for both regardless of the results of individual rolls of the dice.

As I was musing about this, I heard the door open and the click of the bathroom lights go out. SueEllen came in bathed only in the soft glow of the candlelight and she was a sight to behold. Dressed in a short, black negligee and almost transparent black panties, she walked in slowly, taking in the sight of me on the bed, wearing only my chastity device and the surroundings of the scented candlelight and soft music. She had a huge smile on her face as she came over to the bed and sat down on it, her legs dangling over the side.

SueEllen hadn’t dressed like this for bed in many years. She had even put on a fragrance that just oozed sexuality. The ring of my chastity device pulling hard against my balls as my member tried desperately to erect reminded me of my predicament. As I moved my fingers to the ring and tried to adjust it to take some pressure off my sensitive balls, she said:

“Oh my, you are having a problem aren’t you,” then giggled a little in girlish delight at the discomfort here mere presence was causing me.

“Yes, but it’s a lovely problem,” I responded, looking her directly in the eyes. Her legs seemed to twitch a little as my gaze focused on her.

“Okay, now what,” she asked.

“Now I have a couple of things to say before rolling the dice.”

“Kind of like a condemned man’s last words,” she said jokingly.

“No, a condemned man’s words come at the end of his life. These words are coming at the beginning at what I hope will be a new life for us,” I ad libbed seriously.

“SueEllen,” I began looking deeply into her eyes, “I love you completely and without reservation; and what’s more, I trust you completely with my life and,” I said pointing to my groin, “my sexual being. You now have complete control of this,” I said, raising my tube enclosed penis with my fingers to show it to her. “And as a continuing symbol of that complete control, I am entrusting you with this key.”

SueEllen looked surprised as I presented her with a small key on a thin, gold chain. She looked down at my chastity device enclosed genitals and noticed for the first time that instead of a clip, I had a tiny, one inch padlock on the locking pin. The look of surprise remained on her face as I opened up the chain and motioned her to lean forward. She did, dipping her head slightly to allow me to place the chain with the key around her neck. When she sat back up, I saw the key had settled into a nice, comfortable niche in the cleavage of her beautiful, full breasts.

There was silence for a few moments as she brought her fingers up to the key and felt it, then stroked it with her thumb and forefinger. Tears welled up in her eyes and she cleared her throat as she tried to collect herself.

“I, I . . .I love you too Bob, completely, and more than I ever knew until this very moment. I, . . . I trust you too - with my life, with my happiness. And, and I accept responsibility for your sexual being and will do all I can to take care of it, to earn the trust you have given me,” she said, tears now flowing freely from the corners of her eyes.

I took her hand in mine and gently stroked the top of her fingers with my thumb as I said:

“And I hope to earn your complete faith and confidence in me as well.”

I could feel tears welling up in my eyes as all of the years of anger and resentment just fell away from me and I felt closer to SueEllen than I’d ever felt before.

“Gu, guess I’d better roll,” I said stammering, trying to cover the fact that there were tears in my eyes. SueEllen looked at me and smiled; she wasn’t fooled a bit.

I picked up the dice, rattled them in my hand as I shook them, then poured out the cubes from my open palm, the dice tumbling across the cardboard until they came to a stop at the edge.

There was no getting around it - it was a 4. Two plus two always make four.

There were several moments of uneasy silence as the result sank in for both of us.

“Do you, . . . do you want to try again,” SueEllen said helpfully in a voice that was barely audible.

“No, no” I said bravely. If chastity play is to work, we have to accept the results of the roll. And the roll says denial this time - no orgasm.

“Oh,” she said sympathetically, aware of the tremendous amount of sexual tension between us and how difficult this was going to be for me.

“Can I offer you a massage dear?” I said, showing her the soft towel laid out on the bed and the bottle of massage oil sitting in the bowl of warm water.

“Ye, yes, er yes, I think I’d like that,” she said a little quizzically, now already in uncharted territory as far as the sexual relationship between us had been til now. She slowly lay down face down on the towel.

“And, just because I am being denied, it doesn’t mean you are. In fact, the play rules say that I’m responsible for ensuring you have an orgasm during all play,” I said, repeating the rule I had explained the day before.

“Oh, that sounds very nice,” she said, sounding unconvinced that this was in fact true - that she really was going to be massaged and aroused and finally given an orgasm and all she had to do was just lay there and enjoy it.

“Oh, also, you get to decide whether I stay in the chastity device. At any time, you can decide to let me loose from it using your key,” I said with a touch of hope in my voice, the pressure on my balls from my straining member starting to create a telltale ache in the bottom of my sack.

“Either way - no orgasm for me,” I added helpfully.

She looked back at me over her shoulder and then smiled slyly before replying:

“Well, let’s leave it on for now and see how you do.”

It was the perfect response. For the first time, I sensed that SueEllen was now fully engaged in the game of Married Chastity Play. She was going to become a fantastic player. More than I could ever hope for.

[I will continue the story of our first night of Married Chastity Play in a future post.]

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

What Is Married Chastity Play

Married Chastity Play

I am starting this blog to talk about something that I never knew existed before and yet it has had such a tremendously positive impact on my life that I’m sure more people, particularly married people need to hear about it. I am so excited about it that I want to shout it from the rooftops, but given the subject, I think this blog is about as close as I can get to that.

The “thing” I am talking about is “Chastity Play,” particularly in the context of marriage or any other committed relationship. What is Chastity Play? It is a complete change in the bedroom dynamics of a couple in which basically the female takes control of her mate's orgasms and other sexual pleasures and the male willingly, even enthusiastically, yields that control to her. It’s done in an atmosphere of sensual play, not blackmail, extortion or mistrust. This is definitely not a game for partners who don’t trust and love each. This is a game for partners who have that trust and love but are looking for a boost to their sex lives, and amazingly, an even bigger boost in the love, harmony and commitment in the relationship. We started it three years ago, with some trepidation and doubt on my part, but after those three years I can attest that it is, by far, the best thing we have ever done for us, and for our relationship. Everything just zoomed upward and unbelievably, it keeps getting better.

First a few details - Bob and I are in our late forties and have been married for 21years. We have three very active teenagers. We live in a medium sized city in the mid-west. Bob is a an executive with a large manufacturing company. He has several hundred people in his department and his product line accounts for sales in excess of five hundred million dollars. He works hard, has a lot of responsibility and has to travel some although not as much as in his early career (the miracle of video conferencing has taken care of much of that).

I am the quintessential, stay at home soccer mom. Most of my day to day life revolves around my children and their activities. Between sports teams, music and dance lessons, skating and after school activities, me and my mini-van (yes, I still have one of those) put on 25,000 plus miles ferrying them to and fro. It is a busy life for both us, but something was missing in it. Bob and I had slowly lost contact with each other. Our conversations were rarely about us and our relationship. They were mainly about the kids and their activities or his latest business problems.

Our sex life had also suffered over the years. What had once been two or three torrid love-making sessions a week early in our marriage had waned to once a week, then maybe twice a month, to who knows, maybe once a month or even less. And it wasn’t torrid love-making anymore. It was ten minutes or so in our bedroom with the lights out on a Friday or Saturday night after the kids had gone to sleep and before one or both of us passed out from exhaustion. I won’t go into the details, but suffice to say, the only orgasm happening was Bob’s. I got nothing out of it, not even some love and attention afterwards. Bob usually just fell right asleep.

The reduced frequency was mainly my doing. It was little wonder that I took less and less of an interest in sex and made up excuses to avoid it. I was not getting my needs met and in some ways, it was a dreaded reminder of just how bad our relationship had gotten. At first Bob pushed for sex more often; pestered me two or three times a week. He would often get angry and resentful when I turned him down. Sometimes I would give in just to avoid those angry exchanges but then I would resent it and feel even further away from the loving relationship that I wanted. Eventually, after a lot of turn downs and negative body language, those propositions became less frequent.

Whatever sexual satisfaction I got was left in my own hands, so to speak. I would have had trouble saying the word “masturbation,” back then, but still I did it and felt guilty and emotionally unsatisfied afterwards. As a mid-western girl with a Catholic school upbringing, I had always been very conservative when it came to sex. After all, I was a married woman with a handsome, physically fit, sexually interested husband. Why was I masturbating? Why was our relationship so bad and seemingly getting worse? Was I in danger of him having an affair, even losing him to a younger, more sexually satisfying woman? Those thoughts often went through my mind but rather than motivating me to change something, try something new, it seemed to just fuel my resentment even more.

Bob had always had a stronger sex drive than me. I suppose that’s true in most marriages. The man usually is the one pushing for more sex. He was also more sexually adventurous than me but that’s not saying much. When we got married, I was still having trouble getting used to and enjoying oral sex - it just didn’t seem to be what good Catholic girls did. (Now I love oral sex - it’s one of my favorite things; especially receiving it:)). He also introduced me to “sex toys,” mainly vibrators of various sizes and shapes. I warmed up to that innovation much more quickly. Wow, where had those been when I was a randy teenager!?

Bob told me later that his propositions had dropped off because he just couldn’t take the constant rejection (see - men really do have feelings), and because, like most of his life, he masturbated often to relieve himself of his sexual tension, which reduced his biological need for sex with me. He said that although he enjoyed the momentary pleasure of release, he didn’t like the idea that he had to masturbate to get sexual satisfaction and resented my lack of interest in him as a sexual partner. He didn’t confess to any affairs, but reading between the lines, I don’t think that would have been far behind. He is, after all, an attractive, very engaging man.

So what changed all of this? It was Bob and his sexually adventurous self. He had read about male chastity and male chastity play on the internet and found, somewhat to his surprise, that he was sexually excited by it; very excited in fact. As he explained it later, it hit some sort of sweet spot in his sexual psyche. Somehow, he knew right away that he would love it. The problem he had was figuring out how to get his sexually conservative wife that is, me, to go along with it. In male chastity play, the female is an essential partner. She is literally the key holder to the relationship and his pleasure.

I won’t go into all of the details about how he presented the idea to me (perhaps Bob will write about it in his post which follows this one), but he did and like all new sexual innovations he proposed to me, I was skeptical at first - very skeptical. It all sounded so weird. Why would a powerful, successful man, an “alpha type" male like Bob want to experiment with surrendering control of his orgasms, effectively control of his penis to me? It all sounded so, well so kinky and abnormal.

But Bob was very thorough and he showed me some sample male chastity play arrangements, i.e. the rules some couples had used, and the more I read, the more I liked it and the less threatened I felt. To be sure, it seemed pretty kinky, but it seemed harmless enough, at least to me. In fact, in some ways it was kind of a dream come true when it came to controlling the “what” and the “when” of a sexual relationship. No more unwanted advances, pressure to have sex; no more awkward turn downs or even worse, trouble-avoiding but reluctant and resented acceptances.

In some of the play rules we looked at, the female was completely in control of the “when,” the “what,” and the “how.” In other play rules, it was turned over to chance - by dice throw or by blindly selecting a colored bead from a bag. But even when chance was used to direct the play, there was still a considerable amount of ultimate female control over what happened.

The one big thing I had to get my mind around was that male chastity play involved the male wearing a “chastity device” almost all of the time. Well, just the term, “chastity device,” threw me for a loop - conjuring up images of mediaeval, steel belts that were locked onto the hips of maidens to keep them virtuous before marriage and faithful afterwards. It seemed, well bizarre, in the 21st century to be talking about chastity devices - and for a male no less.

But I tried to keep an open mind, looked at some web sites that Bob suggested (two that were particularly good were and and read up about them. The chastity device that seemed the most popular among the couples who engaged in chastity play was a plastic, penis shaped tube and a plastic ring; the tube was placed over the man’s penis, the ring around his entire genitals, with the two pieces joined and locked together. It looked damned uncomfortable when I first saw a picture of it. How could a man wear something like that night and day? How did he, well, you know, pee;? How did he keep himself clean? What happened if he got excited and erected? How did he avoid the thing being noticed in public?

Well, the answers to all of those questions were, to my surprise, pretty simple. The comfort part was taken care of by careful fitting of a variety of offered sizes of rings and the pins and spacers that keep the tube and ring at a fixed separation; that and the use of lubricants and moisturizers. It took some getting used to, but most men who tried it and were committed to the play, were able to accommodate quickly and easily to long term wear. As for peeing, the tubes had a large slit at the end to accommodate the urine flow and, well, they peed sitting down like the other half of the human race - not such a difficult thing and it sure solved the problem of the man always leaving the toilet seat up. If nothing else, a woman can really appreciate that! :)

As for the other questions - well they took showers to keep themselves clean like everybody else. Some play rules allowed removal prior to showering, cleaning the device and putting it right back on after the shower. Others, those with husbands likely to manhandle themselves in the shower, kept the device on during the shower and used squeeze bottles with tips to introduce soapy water and rinse into the device through its various vents and openings. Some had spare tubes, or different sized tubes - one for day wear and a somewhat larger ones (to account for involuntary “full bladder” erections) for use during the night.

As for erections, well LOL, the devices prevented them for the most part. Some allowed partial erections; some, the smaller ones, prevented any erections. The men experienced varying degrees of discomfort when their penis would start to erect - but few experienced actual pain. Those that did experience some pain or more than moderate discomfort learned how to avoid or suppress erections - mind over matter, so to speak. Almost all of the play rules contained some kind of circumstance for occasionally requiring the male to wear the device during love-making sessions. Of course, those sessions were directed solely towards the pleasure (and entertainment) of the female. This sounded deliciously wicked.

Finally, how did they wear them in public? Well, with the right clothes, the bulge of the device didn’t really show. Among the smaller tubes or devices, the bulge wasn’t visible with any normal clothing - it really wasn’t detectable unless it was felt, and nobody should be feeling him down there but his mate. For those that traveled a lot, metal detectors weren’t a problem for the most common plastic devices. Even those that used a metal padlock also came with one-time use, numbered plastic “locks” that could be used when going through a detector and couldn’t be removed by the male without the female knowing about it. Once opened, it could not be re-locked again, and with the serial number recorded by the female - well, she would know if it had been opened. Somehow, I think a woman thought of this angle.

Speaking of locks, most of the devices came with a small padlock to secure it - usually with one key. The female would be designated the “key holder” and she would carry the one and only key that could free the male’s private parts. Often, she would wear it on a thin chain around her neck to constantly remind her of her sexual power (I do that and find it is a real turn-on for me; I get a little rush and tingle whenever I reach up fondle the key). If you think about it, it is an amazing exercise of love, faith and trust for a man to give that sort of power to his wife. And just as amazing for the wife to accept that sort of complete responsibility for her husband’s sexual being.

So, what sort of Chastity Play Rules do we use? Well, they’ve changed over time, they've been adapted and refined to fit us, our lifestyle, who we are, and also who we became because this play changed our sexual tastes and practices (all to the good, I might add). I can state with certainty, that in the three years of this experiment, I have not masturbated alone even once, nor have I ever felt the urge or need to do so (of course, I have masturbated in front of my husband a number of times, something I’d never done before, and it gave us both immense pleasure; it is now, one of our favorite things when he’s being denied).

I should add, before listing the rules and explaining them, that unlike some couples who engage in chastity play and assume permanent roles of leader and follower in all aspects of their life; our chastity play roles never extended outside the bedroom - that is, I am not “in control” of any other part of our life. We are life partners and have equal control in decision-making in every other aspect of our lives. And we have had no difficulty separating our sexual life from the rest of our life and making it special.

That is not to say that Chastity Play hasn’t affected other parts of our lives. It has and it has most certainly made us happier. We rarely argue about anything now - we are usually in the blissful aura of our last “Play Day” or are anticipating our next one. Bob is incredibly more attentive to me, often leaving me love notes and bringing me flowers and small gifts. He is more patient with both me and the kids and just seems happier and more relaxed at home. He now enjoys just sitting and talking with me - listening to me. We are almost always touching each other whenever we are in the same room - holding hands and cuddling in front of the TV, an embrace and kiss in the kitchen; a kiss on the nape of my neck in the bedroom as I’m getting dressed. It feels wonderful to get that sort of physical attention without it being attached to sex. He is also much more helpful around the house - volunteering to help with the laundry (!!!) Or setting the table for dinner; things he never did before.
I am also much more attuned to Bob’s needs. Of course the children and their activities are still important, but I have put my relationship with Bob at the center of my universe. He is rarely out of my thoughts, and I find myself smiling a lot - sometimes at nothing but a stray thought or memory of a past Play Day and the new found bonds of our relationship. I regret only that we didn’t find this sooner. There was so much time wasted in anger; so much pleasure and satisfaction lost. But there is still plenty of time for us - and for you, if, like us, Chastity Play happens to find a sweet spot in a man’s sexual psyche; and that of his wife as well.

Our Rules of Married Chastity Play

The guiding principle of these rules is to maximize the sexual pleasure of husband and wife by:

1. Placing the wife in control of her husbands sexual releases. He is allowed sexual release only with her permission. Husband will remain chaste until then and will use a locked chastity device whenever practicable to ensure that.

2. Husband satisfying the sexual needs of his wife first, how and when she wishes and for as long as she wishes. Literally, “She Comes First,” (and second, third and fourth if she so desires).

3. Chance, in the form of a dice throw will be used to provide uncertainty and heightened tension and anticipation on the part of the husband.

4. Wife has the final word in the interpretation and application of all rules.


There are two types of days: “Roll Days,” and “Play Days.”
Roll days are those days when husband rolls the dice to see whether and how he may obtain sexual release on the next Play Day. Roll Days occur on the fifth day after the last “Play Day,” unless cancelled by the wife for husband’s violation of a rule. As an example, if the last Play Day was Monday, the next Roll Day would be Saturday.

A Play Day is the day of the actual love-making session between husband and wife per the result of the dice roll or the preemptive call of a dice result by the wife. The Play Day occurs either on the Roll Day, or if either husband or wife is too tired, ill, occupied, or it's otherwise impractical to do it on that day, then as soon thereafter when husband and wife are fit and able to devote their full attentions to each other.

Wife’s Right of Preemptive Dice Throw Result

Although the usual way in which husband will find out whether and how his next sexual release will occur is by the chance outcome of a dice roll, the wife has the right to declare a dice roll outcome by announcing it before husband rolls the dice. She simply says, "Your dice roll is 5" or whatever number she wants. She may assert this right on any Roll Day and as often as she desires, except that if she asserts this right three Roll Days in a row, Husband then has the right to actually roll the dice to determine the outcome on the fourth Roll Day.

The Dice Throw

The dice throw will occur in the bedroom with wife present and observing the result. Husband will be nude (whenever practical) and wearing his chastity device. Wife will be dressed however she pleases. Whenever practical, the dice throw shall involve a short ceremony in which candles will be lit and husband shall declare his continuing love of and trust in his wife, and confirm his continuing chastity (no orgasms) since his last Play Day release. Wife will declare her continuing love of and trust in her husband and her continuing responsibility for controlling her husband's orgasms. After these mutual declarations, wife may declare a preemptive dice roll result if she chooses to do so. If not, husband will roll the dice on a hard, flat surface. Wife will be the final judge of whether the roll was legal and what the rolled number was. The dice roll results and associated play are:

Rolling a 2 or a 12:
Snake eyes or box cars, it’s bad luck for hubby. Either number results in a Play Day in which the husband continues to be locked in his chastity device throughout the Play Day with obviously no orgasm permitted. The wife may choose whether the tube husband uses is the CB-6000 regular tube, or the more entertaining (for wife) 6000 “shorty,” which provides much greater erection control and is a bit more uncomfortable for husband when aroused than the regular tube. If after husband rolls one of these numbers, he makes any negative comment, even an “aw shucks,” wife will automatically assign the “shorty” as the tube of choice.
Although husband will remain locked and will not be allowed to release during this Play Day, wife has the option of continuing the Play Day with husband completely servicing her with tongue, lips, fingers and toys, as she chooses. Husband is responsible for ensuring that wife enjoys at least one orgasm. Wife may tease, prod, rub, excite, nibble, finger or use a toy on any part of husband’s body. Husband must assume any position directed by wife.
Wife may begin the session with a foot massage and/or a full body massage and/or a bubble bath, and may require husband to assist her putting on her Play Day stockings and lingerie. Wife may terminate the Play Day without sexual contact at her choosing. During massage, bath and dressing assistance, unless wife makes her intentions clear, husband must ask for and receive permission before touching wife’s genital area.

Rolling a 3, 4, 10 or 11:
Getting closer but still no joy for hubby; he is denied! Husband may enjoy the Play Day unlocked and free of his chastity device, however orgasm is completely forbidden. Wife will test husband’s ability to control himself by teasing, prodding, rubbing, licking, sucking, fingering or stroking any part of husband’s body, or even engaging in intercourse with husband, and will attempt to see just how close she can get him to cumming without his exploding, and how many times she can do this. Any failure to control his orgasm will be the responsibility of husband and will result in a penalty as described in the penalty section below. Husband must assume any position directed by wife.
Although husband will not be allowed to release during this Play Day, wife has the option of continuing the Play Day with husband completely servicing her with tongue, lips, fingers, penis and toys, as she chooses. Husband is responsible for ensuring that wife enjoys at least one orgasm.
Wife may begin the session with a foot massage and/or a full body massage and/or a bubble bath, and may require husband to assist her putting on her Play Day stockings and lingerie. Wife may terminate the Play Day without sexual contact at her choosing. During massage, bath and dressing assistance, unless wife makes her intentions clear, husband must ask for and receive permission before touching wife’s genital area.

Rolling a 5 or a 9:
Husband is unlocked and free of his chastity device for the Play Day. To add a little extra spice of uncertainty, husband will not know whether he will be allowed to orgasm until the very end of the Play Day. At which time, wife will declare either that husband has permission to cum, or he does not have permission to cum, in which case husband must resist any continuing attempts by wife to make him release. Husband is responsible for any failure to control his orgasm if he cums without permission and will receive a penalty as described in the penalty section.
Although husband may not be allowed to release during this Play Day, wife has the option of continuing the Play Day with husband completely servicing her with tongue, lips, fingers, penis and toys, as she chooses. Husband is responsible for ensuring that wife enjoys at least one orgasm.
Wife may begin the session with a foot massage and/or a full body massage and/or a bubble bath, and may require husband to assist her putting on her Play Day stockings and lingerie. Wife may terminate the Play Day without sexual contact at her choosing. During massage, bath and dressing assistance, unless wife makes her intentions clear, husband must ask for and receive permission before touching wife’s genital area.

Rolling a 6:
Aha! At last Hubby gets unlocked, free of the chastity device and gets a guaranteed opportunity for a release during the Play Day. There are some conditions however. First, Hubby may not release inside of his wife; that is reserved for a roll of 7 and only a roll of 7. Second, husband may only cum if he obtains permission from his wife just before he cums - he must request permission only when he is ready and must cum soon after getting permission from wife. Wife may refuse permission any number of times to test husband’s self-control and build up the tension and anticipation, before finally granting permission; and may withdraw permission if husband takes too long to cum. Husband must request permission each time until permission is granted. Husband will obtain release only through the touch of his wife - he may not touch his own penis to cum. Violation of any of the above conditions incurs a penalty as described in the penalty section.
Wife may begin the session with a foot massage and/or a full body massage and/or a bubble bath, and may require husband to assist her putting on her Play Day stockings and lingerie. During massage, bath and dressing assistance, unless wife makes her intentions clear, husband must ask for and receive permission before touching wife’s genital area.

Rolling a 7:
Hubby hits the Married Chastity Play jackpot. Husband is released from his chastity device and has the opportunity for orgasm during the Play Day and may, at the wife’s direction, have intercourse with her in the positions she so directs, but husband may cum only if he asks and obtains permission to orgasm from his wife as described in roll 6. Moreover, husband may only cum inside wife when wife is in the on-top position, astride his hips, riding him. Cumming at any other time is a violation of the rules and is subject to penalty unless wife directs otherwise.
As with every other Play Day, husband has the obligation to service his wife at her direction and ensure that she obtains at least one orgasm before he is allowed to release. Wife may begin the Play Day with a full body or foot massage, bubble bath and/or dressing assistance that may or may not involve sexual contact, as decided by wife.

Rolling an 8:
Hubby is still in luck with this roll as he will be permitted to be free of his chastity device during the Play Day, and will be given the opportunity to cum if he does so in accordance with the rules. Husband will be permitted to cum but only with his own hand providing the final stimulation for release - he must masturbate to orgasm under the direction of his wife. She may stimulate him in any manner during the Play Day, but he must finally cum using only his own hand. As with rolls of 6 and 7, husband must first ask and receive permission to cum. Any violation of these conditions subjects the husband to penalty.
As with every other Play Day, husband has the obligation to service his wife at her direction and ensure that she obtains at least one orgasm before he is allowed to release. Wife may begin the Play Day with a full body or foot massage, bubble bath and/or dressing assistance that may or may not involve sexual contact, as decided by wife.

Special Wife Roll Result Changes
Wife is entitled to change or amend any of the roll result play instructions for that day during any Play Day at her own discretion.

Spontaneous Sex - Romping
Totally spontaneous sex is also fun and shouldn't be lost. Therefore, at any time, before, during or after a Roll or Play Day, wife may initiate totally free, spontaneous sex, in which husband (and wife of course) may orgasm at any time, in any way and in any position mutually desired, by wife simply telling husband - "This is a Romp Day," or similar words. In addition to spur of the moment passion, wife intends to have Romps on special occasions like birthdays and anniversaries and to reward especially thoughtful behavior by husband.

Minor Violations and Penalties:
The following are considered minor violations when they occur no more than once in a calendar month. Should two or more minor violations occur in a calendar month, the second violation and every succeeding minor violation that month will treated and penalized as a major violation.

1. Husband failing to ask for or to obtain permission to orgasm, or for violating any of the other conditions for release during those Play Days when the number rolled (or preemptively called by wife) entitled him to the opportunity for sexual release.

2. Husband expressing any negative comment or complaint during the Roll ceremony or aftermath, or during the Play Day itself.

3. Husband failing to quickly and enthusiastically follow the directions of wife during a Play Day.

4. Husband failing to ensure wife obtains at least one orgasm during a Play Day.

The penalty for these violations is an automatic roll of 2 for the next Roll Day (husband remains locked in his chastity device; wife determines type of tube, regular or short) and is denied sexual release. The normal roll ceremony and results (or wife’s preemptive call) will then return for the next and succeeding Roll Days.

Major Violations and Penalties:

The following are considered major violations when they occur no more than once in a calendar month. Should two or more major violations occur in a calendar month, the second and each succeeding major violation will be considered a “serial major violation” and receive double the penalty of a major violation; all penalties to run consecutively.

1. Husband ejaculating during a Play Day when he is not authorized by roll number to do so and has not received special permission from his wife.

2. Husband ejaculating at any other time than during a Play Day.

3. Husband’s unauthorized removal or defeat (slipping out of it) of the chastity device except in a bona fide emergency.

4. Husband's disobedience of wife’s directions during a Play Day.

The penalty for a major violation is an immediate suspension of Play Days for a period of 10 days, followed by two Roll Days in which the husband will be given an automatic roll result of a 2. Wife may require husband to use the Points of Intrigue insert during one or both of the two automatic roll 2 Play Days when his conduct has been particularly bad. This enforced chastity period which will cover a period of at least 25 days will provide husband the opportunity to contemplate the error of his ways and the motivation to avoid making a simiar mistake in the future.

Milking and Prostate Health:

As the imposition of some penalties, penalty combinations and roll results may result in the denial of husbands ejaculation for a period in excess of thirty days; and since it is known that such lengthy periods of chastity are not healthy and may cause damage to husband’s prostate; the wife may impose a requirement that husband be milked on the first Play Day following any chastity period of thirty days, when such denial of sexual release has continued beyond thirty consecutive days because of penalties, roll of the dice and/or wife’s preemptive choice.

Milking of the husband involves the massage, stimulation or manipulation of husband’s prostate gland so as draw out his seminal fluid and clear his prostate ducts without the pleasure of an explosive, orgasmic release. This procedure may involve the use of the wife’s gloved fingers, a prostate massaging toy such as a vibrator, plug or dildo, the act of pegging, or any combination of those techniques. Husband shall willingly submit to this procedure and promptly follow all of wife’s directions to accomplish it.

Comments From the Lady of the House

These rules underwent several changes during the first year as we felt our way through this new and fabulously exciting change in our sexual relations. They have remained unchanged now for two years and work extremely well for both of us. In fact, I can’t imagine going back to what it was like before we started the Chastity Play. Bob and I have grown closer than we’ve ever been before. Apart from the vast improvement in our sex lives, the rest of our relationship has improved even more. Bob is now unfailingly attentive, helpful, loving, patient and a great listener. I believe I have reciprocated in similar fashion, lavishing attention and support on Bob and making him the most important person in my life. We haven’t had an argument or even a cross word with each other in three years, and we look forward to many more blissful years together.

Don’t worry if it seems a little weird or kinky - it works! Nobody could have been more naive than I about these sorts of things three years ago, and yet I readily adapted to it because I saw the benefits to me and to us, to our marriage, to our relationship and to our family. I need never worry about another woman; and Bob need never even think about looking for sexual satisfaction outside of his marriage, since he gets everything he wants and needs right here with me (Not to mention the fact that he is always locked into his chastity device when he is not making love to me during a Play Day!). That alone makes it worth it. Oh, and did I mention that I have never been so pampered and sexually satisfied in my entire life.
I am:

The Lady of the House